wonka wonka.

did someone say candy? yes. sugar is the word of the day. you have previously discovered my passion for candy, so imagine the sheer agony i experienced when i opened a good & plenty package and the pink and white nuggets did not slide into my outstretched hand. lacking anything resembling patience, i hastily clawed open the package and found a solidified mass of plenty. no good. i hung my head in despair.

chin up lassie! there is more candy in the cupboard. no self-respecting candy junkie buys a single box of candy. run run, go grab the sweetarts. yeeeeeeee! almost to the sugar rush. but wait. what's this? speckled and mushy discs? these are not sweetarts. i pour out more candy. same spots. same mush. have the candy gods forsaken me? am i no longer deserving?

at this point, my gloom has turned to indignation. immediately i accessed the websites listed on the candy boxes and hurled my complaints into cyberspace. within 24 hours hershey replied with an apology for my negative good & plenty experience and a promise to send a reimbursement. no word from nestle. but good things come to those who wait. 48 hours after i began my squawking, i received the following message from willy wonka (all names have been changed to protect the innocent):

Dear Pickel,

Thank you for contacting Wonka® SweeTARTS® Candy.

From what you are describing it appears to be malic acid spots. Malic acid is an ingredient which provides the tart flavor in the candy. Light or dark spots can occur when the color on the outside of the candy migrates toward or away from a granule of malic acid on the surface. You may also see a tiny cavity or indentation. This can be caused by storage in humid conditions. Although this appears unappetizing, it does not pose a health risk.

I would like to assure you that your experience has been reported to our Quality Assurance Personnel and I will be mailing full value coupons to the address that you provided. Please allow 7 to 10 business days for delivery.

It is also helpful to our Quality Assurance Personnel if you are able to provide the net weight in oz. of the package that you purchased and the name of the store where you purchased the product. Please email this information back to me at your convenience along with the reference number at the end of this email.

We appreciate the opportunity to explain this to you and hope you will visit our website often for the latest information on our products and promotions.


Sincerely,
Wonka Lady

Consumer Response Representative

holy cow! i can't decide if this is overkill or good-ole-fashioned incredible customer care. probably both. regardless, apparently our kitchen is not overly humid, because the little discs of packed sugar, while still speckled, have resumed their proper hardness. how do i know? i am eating them. i dont know what malic acid is, and while it sounds lethal, the wonka lady said it poses no health risk, so i figured that flinging the little sweets into the garbage would be a waste.

disturbances.

i seem to spend a dizzying amount of time dealing with disturbing details.

it all started when my darling husband decided to bake. scary? possibly. but not upsetting. when he isn't roasting chicken gizzards, his cooking is delectable. the disturbing incident was when the oven decided to go on the fritz for the umpteenth time. our oven has an infuriating habit of incapacitating itself for a few weeks a year. typically it starts the fritzing in the middle of a baking project and a few weeks later, when i am at my wits end and about to drop $600 in the sears appliance department, it suddenly reverts to "normal" behavior. why why why? perhaps i have bad appliance karma. hmmm...that could explain why last year our air conditioner went into an extravagant leak mode, dumping massive quantities of water onto the water heater below it. not surprisingly the electric water heater was averse to be doused in water and at two in the morning, showed us its displeasure by catching fire. needless to say, two days later both the air conditioner and water heater were replaced, but not without a serious output of cash. end result is that our air is deliciously cold, our water is sumptuously hot, and our appliance closet is exponentially more energy efficient. back to my point of displeasure..the oven. at the moment it is not displaying an error message, but it is also not in use. we'll see what happens when i cook dinner.

the disturbances continued when i spent a moment yesterday starting to think i should be concerned about my candy consumption. some might say that it is excessive. however, i quickly reconsidered determining it to be necessary sustenance in the face of daily fourteen hour study sessions. or perhaps i am just thrilled with the chance to relive my childhood days, when my mums allowed me to select one item from the refreshment shack to reward me for sitting through my brother's little league games. either way, the disturbance was relieved. fun dip. need i say more?


unfortunately, my candy habit is probably not strengthening my teeth, which should terrify me considering my next disturbance. my candy epiphany was quickly followed by a television commercial featuring denture glue. having not had to resort to dentures i am not fully appreciative of their existence and i am apparently not psyched enough about dental glue, because it doesn't send me into fits of song. aside from the obvious awkwardness of the product, i was a bit horrified that the commercial featured an altered version of bye bye love. the actors were actually singing "bye bye ooze, bye bye messiness" and simultaneously making grotesque faces. awful. i have no further comments, but if you're a glutton for punishment, click here.

speaking of punishment. yesterday afternoon i was sitting in the living room diligently working on my schoolwork, while my husband watched a movie. i am rather adept at tuning out television, music, people, etc., making me capable of studying amidst a lot of craziness. however, when the characters in the movie started shrieking i glanced up. what did i see? a man strapped to a chair screaming his head off, because another man was about to remove his eyeball with pliers. umm. what the @%#@$#@?!?!?!? my husband assured me that the villain was not removing eyeballs, merely yanking out the victim's eyebrow ring. oh. right. as if that makes the scene so much better. AAAACK!! needless to say the movie, aptly named the punisher, is not headed for my list of favorites.

i seem to have a never ending supply of disturbing experiences, but i will save the rest of them for another post.