dear mr. president, thanks.

thanks for forcing me to cancel my gym membership.

hey, you're welcome.

it all started at the beginning of the year when my little family of three fell off the fiscal cliff. i know, i know, the government agreed on a plan to avoid that. yup, we all drank the kool-aid and breathed a sigh of relief that our income taxes would not increase.

and then we were blindsided by the 2% increase in social security taxes. ouch. and our health insurance costs went up. ugh. and the cost-of-living is redonkulous. boo. bottom. of. the. cliff. i popped open my trusty laptop and created a family budget, but after chopping the luxuries and dropping the necessities down to the bare bones, we were still not in the black. it was time for slash and burn tactics. thus, i cancelled my gym membership. budget success. fitness fail.

what?! yes. i cancelled my gym membership. after fourteen months of diligently dragging myself to spin class four days a week, i was suddenly going to be on my own. luckily, i had recently discovered the joy of walking to the state park near our house. i stomped along to my music and big-E watched the world go by. awesome for both of us and four miles round trip. plus, big-E got to run around and explore the park. golden. i got off to a great start. every day i came home from work, changed, packed big-E into the stroller and off we went.

and then one day, i got a bug up my bum wondering what would happen if i tried to run part of the way. i started slow, alternating between jogging and walking. each day i would jog a little further. and one day i jogged half of the way home. and the next day i jogged all the way home. and then i jogged both ways. and next thing you know, i was jogging 4 miles a day, 6 days a week. pushing a stroller.

what?! yes. this kid, a self-proclaimed NON-RUNNER, suddenly turned into a runner. okay, fine, 15-minute miles probably only qualify me to be called a jogger. same effing difference people!! and i am addicted. fo' reals, yo. i jog four days a week and walk two days a week. since the first of the year, i have jogged/walked 150 miles. mind blowing.

mama runs faaast!!

but wait, there is more. more? yes, more. recently, while en route to the park, just for fun i sped up for the second mile. and after doing this a few times, i clocked it at 10 minutes. a ten-minute mile! in the grand scheme of things, i am aware that i am not exactly burning up the pavement. i am sure i know plenty of people who can run a 10-minute mile going backwards, but seriously y'all, that is by far, the fastest my two feets have carried me since middle school.

go mama!!

so, mr. president, thanks to you (and the members of congress), i find myself fitter and faster than i have been in over twenty years. and my pants fit better. i have been tightening the belt figuratively and literally. congratulations to me.

hey, you're welcome.

what gift to get the teacher when an apple simply won't do.

got school-aged children? then at some point during the year, you will be scratching your head trying to determine the perfect gift for your children's teacher. if this never happens to you, then you are probably part of the reason that the profession is oft considered a "thankless job."

back to the awesome parent who is stuck in the muddle of trying to show their appreciation. surely you have heard the idiom, "it is the thought that counts." seriously, this is true, so STOP stressing. thank you cards written by you and your child are awesome. if you can afford to do more, of course the teachers will be thrilled, but please do not put yourself into financial stress buying teach a gift. handmade gifts are amazeballs, so capitalize on your creativity. why am i telling you all of this? because i am a teacher. and mrs. nipper knapp asked. and if you google "best gifts for teachers" there are gads of lists that are hogwash, so i am going to put you on the path towards awesome gift-giving. full disclosure, i work in an inner-city school, so gifts are the exception, not the norm. i guess that is why i have a wish list....a girl can dream.

as you already know, it is a challenge to buy a gift for this person who is sort of a stranger and simultaneously is practically a member of the family. after all, they spend seven or eight hours a day with your child. teaching, mentoring, guiding, soothing, molding, and loving your baby. the best advice i can give is to buy or make something that YOU would like. why's that? well, your child's teacher is just like you and me. we teachers have a life outside of teaching and most likely, we like lots of things that you like. but first, you need to do a little reconnaissance. check out the teacher's style. focus on accessories, because these are easy to purchase and affordable. ask your child about their teacher - i think you would be surprised how observant your kids are...don't forget, most children looooove their teacher and notice everything about them. and teachers loooooove to talk, so they have probably told their class everything you need to know, i.e. favorite color, hobbies, etc.

but let us get to the advice part of this post. i am a lass, so these suggestions are focused on female teachers, but of course some ideas can be adapted to men. beyond that i cannot help you with the gents. male teachers are just as mysterious as every other man i know. i have no idea what gifts to give my husband, brother, and dad; i certainly do not know what to get a male teacher. if you have this figured out, please enlighten the rest of us.

dead. horse.

first of all, things to avoid.

1. kitsch and knick-knacks. there are only so many random bits of teachery nonsense we can fit on our desks, windowsills, and bookshelves.
2. little plastic organizers with paperclips, push pins, staples, and officey junk. we already have one. or five. 
3. anything with the word "teacher." i.e. world's best teacher mugs, #1 teacher picture frames, etc. 
4. apple and/or bookworm themed gifts. i have no idea why apples are associated with teachers, but seriously, unless it is an electronic apple (see cartoon above), do not beat that dead horse.
5. classroom supplies. i know, i know, teachers spend lots of money on school supplies and you want to help them out, but dudes, donate supplies to the classroom, do not give them as a GIFT to the teacher. that is like someone giving your baby diapers for YOUR birthday. practical, NOT dreamy.

the best gifts are thoughtful and personalized. if you can make any of these things yourself, DO IT! if you can get your kids involved, even better.

1. accessories. does the teacher wear scarves? get her a scarf. does she wear little silver earrings/long-beaded necklaces/bracelets/sparkly hair clips? get her little silver earrings/long-beaded necklaces/bracelets/sparkly hair clips. you see where this is going? observe the teacher - everyone wears accessories...what is her niche?
2. fun and fabulous lunch bags. lunch breaks are short and teachers are not rolling in money, so we tend to bring our lunches. you know that super cute pink polka-dotted one you saw at the store? yup, teach would love that.
3. tote bags. teachers cart the world to school every day, so a good strong tote bag is always handy. and if it is cute, well then it might just become the go-to bag.
4. sturdy and good travel mug. does she have a mug of coffee/tea every day? she probably sips on it throughout the morning and would love it if her beverage was still warm at 10am. but chances are, she is not going to splurge to buy herself that awesome double-insulated mug that will keep her drink warm for hours.
5. non-traveling mugs. that are cute. would you want the mug in your cupboard? then it could be a winner. avoid messages, cheesy pictures, and jokes. look for pretty. or cute. or fun. want to get your kid involved? head to one of those places where you paint your own pottery and have your child paint a mug or any other practical item. but please, guide them through this process, especially if they are young. scribbles are cute, but make sure the scribble is not something that only a parent will love.
6. throw blanket. this can be bought, sewn, knit, or crocheted. worried it will not fit with the color scheme of her house? who cares?! we all have throw blankets that have nothing to do with our house decor...does that stop us from using them? nope. live in a warm climate? who cares?! everyone curls up on the couch with a blanket. even in miami. our air conditioners sometimes run a little cold.
7. beauty supplies. nail polish. body sprays. fragrant lotions. this one requires surveillance. are her nails always painted? get her the good stuff in the latest colors. body sprays and smelly lotion - everyone likes to play with these yummies. avoid makeup, unless you either a) know exactly what she loves and/or b) are super confident that the makeup is something everyone would love and can wear (mrs. n.k., think stila's smitten kitten).
8. find out her interests. if you are a good investigator, you can probably dig up some dirt. does she like to cook? get her a fun ruffly apron. or those gorgeous melamine mixing bowls you have been ogling. is she a baker? muffin pans. or cookie sheets. is she an artist? new sketchbook and colored pencils.

yum.

generic gifts for the times when you are just totally stuck.

1. gift card to starbucks. unless the teacher is anti-establishment or does not drink coffee or tea. then you will want to move on to #2.
2. candy and/or chocolate. teachers are human and just like you, we love to indulge.
3. flowers. or a potted plant. you could have your kid paint the pot - that would be super fun.

holy banarama, this post is waaaay longer than i intended, but, i love people who want to do something special for their child's teacher and if i can help simplify that process, well then...i will. good luck and happy shopping/creating.

note: all images are from the internets.

when all else fails...plan.

20 piles of color planning.

i missed the president's state of the union address. oops. total fail. i could watch a recording of the speech, but i think i will opt for getting the NPR recap and reading the relevant new york times articles. my apologies mr. president. it is not that i do not care, it is just that i can barely find time to feed myself, so there is little chance of me having 1.5 hours to listen to and/or watch your speech.

planning the quilt blocks.

yippee.

the good news is that in the midst of completely and totally forgetting to change the channel to the state of the union, i was busy working on my quilt. making progress people, making progress.

skippee.

this past weekend i dug through all of my scrap and fabric boxes and pulled out bits of every lovely fabric i own. each chunk was meticulously starched, ironed, and then sliced and diced into 2.5" squares. about three hundred squares. yes, you read that correctly. thank goodness for rotary cutters. seriously, i cannot comprehend how people created multiple quilts without these heavenly slicers. just thinking about it is enough to send my brain into a tailspin.

dandy.

eye candy.

anyhow, after hours of sorting, ironing, and cutting, i had to do some color planning. the result is twenty quilt blocks arranged and readied for sewing. i sewed one just to see how the blocks will look. scrumptious, eh?

the first finished quilt block.

now i just have to sew 19 more. good golly, miss molly. and just in case the quilt was not enough, i also had to make a birthday present for one of big-E's buddies. i made what i have dubbed a super blankie. suitable for sleeping, picnicking, superhero capes, etcetera, etcetera, etcetera.

super blankie.

scrap me silly.

oh my, where does the time go? the looooong pauses between posts are unintentional, but it seems that they are here to stay. luckily for all of us, keri is determined that this is not the year our blogs will die, so here we are. so happy together.

this little fella sucks up all of my time.

the days are all running together, so it seems like just yesterday that mrs. nipper knapp and i decided that we should make quilts for ourselves. just for fun. just because we are awesome. just because. yup, that is it. we have no other reason. but considering that my scrap box is now three boxes, yes three, it seemed like a good idea. of course i do not undertake projects like this without a plan, so i started pondering what pattern i would use. i wandered through internet land. lots of scrap quilts. and then i jumped onto pinterest. whoa nelly, loads of scrappy quilts. and now i am completely overwhelmed. while i have dithered back and forth between patterns, the missus n.p. has been sewing and sewing and sewing. and trying her hardest to get me motivated to jump in while the quilting is warm.

the problem, of course, is that i have about as much time for sewing as i do for everything else. ummm, none. oh and my sewing machine lives in the bedroom. where big-E sleeps. but, i dragged my machine into the living room and mrs. n.p. gave me another kick in the pants and now i am seriously determined to start before the end of this week. so i picked a pattern. i think. oh my god, there are sooo many. and they are so lovely. and i want to make them all. but i think i have made my decision. final answer? yes. i think. 

granny squares from blue elephant stitches.

i am ridiculously enamored of quilts that have bits of color in a sea of white. this pattern definitely fits that bill. but then i started thinking that it is not going to relieve me of my humongous stack of scraps. plus, i am still struggling to settle on just one pattern. sooooo... i am going to make a double-sided quilt. i mean, why not? it is a quilt for me. so i can do whatever i want. might as well make it so complicated that i can work on it until big-E is twenty-three. wheeeeeeeee!!

string quilt by leesa. oooh la la.

the back (or is it the front) will be a string quilt, which is sort of a patternless pattern. delectable. so with no further ado, here goes nothing. uhh, i mean, here goes the quilting.

scraptastic.

i think it is safe to say that i am fanatical about organization. and i adore efficiency. when it comes to organization and efficiency, my art classroom is a work of art. it is also a work in progress. since day one, the scrap paper boxes have been one of the most vexing corners of my room. i try to save as much paper as possible, for use in future projects, but storing it is a constant struggle.

before. blech.

a lot of projects require semi-specific sizes of paper, so i thought it would be perfect to categorize the scraps by size. but then reality hit. do i put the smallish large scrap in the medium or large bin? what about the large small piece? oy yoy yoy.

glum. glum. glum.

and then i saw this.

ms. naples' scrap boxes. (picture from orange beautiful blog.)

oh my mama llama. after i picked myself up off the floor i got straight to work sorting. and sorting. and sorting. i scrounged up some extra boxes, made a label for each color, and dropped the paper into the new boxes. and then i fainted. 

gloriousness.

victory.

the corner still seemed a bit blah, so i figured i should follow the lead of my inspiration, ms. naples, and make a sign. i am not usually one to toot my own horn, but seriously people, this sign? it is awesomeness. for reals.

love. bring on the scraps.

can i get a hallelujah?

my girl tess.

for the last 5 years, our oven has gone on vacation for about three weeks every august. seriously. sometime in the beginning of august it would post an error message and refuse to operate for about three weeks. and then just as suddenly, it would start working again. annoying, but we just chuckled and waited it out. about two years ago, the broiler went on permanent vacation. last year the broiler was joined by the large burner. and then came the new year. apparently the arrival of 2012 was the last straw for the oven. for six months we were at its mercy. sometimes it would work, sometimes it would not. we never knew. in june it gave up. threw in the towel. so yes, we have been living for three solid months with no oven. no baking. none. sad. and to add insult to injury, the oven could not just sit idle. nope, it had to beep. hysterically, constantly, unpredictably, and psychotically, all day and all night. 

this past weekend we realized we could not put this off any longer. the old girl had to leave. we went on a "quick" let's-just-check-out-the-options browsing expedition. you know where this is going right? exactly. we found the perfect oven. way more oven than we could afford at a super duper clearance price that fit our budget. we visited a couple other stores, but ended up back where we started. so, despite having no intention of purchasing an oven, we did. six hours after we began our perusing adventure, we bought an oven. i was giddy.

never ever in my imagination would i have expected to feel such a wonderful thrill after buying something as rudimentary as a kitchen appliance. but there you have it. i think i am officially domesticated.

here she is, our new girl. her name is tess. ain't she purty? 

she is a lady, so she has her heating coil tucked away somewhere, out of sight and out of range of drippings. dreamy.

she was eager to start baking, so we made some bread pudding. yummy.

welcome to the family, tess!!

día de los muertos.

day of the dead. paint. sugar skulls. art. eleven year-olds. glitter. awesomeness.

for the record, i had nothing to do with the yellow paper and blue borders. standard issue school decor. my classroom is waaaay cooler.