heads up.

recently i have been pondering the shape of my head. not in the i want to shave my head, so i am worried about lumps and bumps kind of way, but in the why on earth do headbands and headwraps not fit properly way. i mean, i can put them on and all is well, but then i bat an eyelash and the damn things go sliding around and i end up looking disheveled or lopsided or both.

i have tried skinny headbands and fat headbands. the skinny ones get shoved around by my wily hair. the fat ones are demonic torture devices. i mean seriously..the teeth in those things are painful. don't even get me started on the pounding headaches that ensue if i try to wear the things for more than an hour. since headbands were not successfully taming the mop i tried the scarf avenue. if i position the wrap so that it goes over the center of my head, it invariably slides right off. so i tried moving it forward a bit. that just makes me look like a wanna-be eighties rocker. or like jane fonda in her aerobics heydey. using a wider scarf, moved forward to the forehead region was the perfect solution until i looked in the mirror and realized that it just looked like i was trying to cover up a bad hair day. while the headwrap might indeed be covering up some shenanigans, i do not want it to look like i have anything to hide. so then i moved on to the elasticized headwraps. you know those hair rubber bands that appear to be five miles long. uh huh. they are not nearly as long as they appear. they squeeze my head to within an inch of its life as they slide right off the back of the noggin. i even tried the elasticized bands with a rubber coating, which squeezed my skull and then ripped out all of my hair as they too descended to the nape of my neck.

i have tried countless experiments trying to attire my head with some sort of wrap. all to no avail.
naturally i started thinking that there was something wrong with my head. perhaps my skull is misshapen. okay that makes me sound grotesque. there is nothing disturbing about my head shape, at least not in my opinion. however, why is it that the rest of the head-decorating world can attire themselves in an array of head gear without experiencing obvious pain or the topsy-turvy effect my head so quickly attains?

alas, i thought today was one of triumph. i discovered a head wrap that stays put. or so i thought. it is an elasticized band, but is a wee bit longer than the ones that i had previously tried. this means that it does not put my head in a vice grip and so is less inclined to rocket off the back of the noggin. it also features some rubber "thread" woven through it which helps to keep it in place without yanking my hair from the roots. thank you very much to the folks at the goody hair accessories company. unfortunately, i discovered that my hair has to be a bit disheveled for it to stay put, so while it effectively holds my hair out of my face, the majority of my hair, which resides behind the wrap looks a bit like it was caught in a massive windstorm. i am not sure that this is the effect that i was aiming for. this headband is a dream for a housebound hermit. unfortunately when i venture out into the world i am hoping to look a little less like a hedgehog and more like a proper lass. conclusion? i need a new head.

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