just a newbie.

hard work...who ME?!?

as you have clearly figured out, i have a newborn in the house. loving the little one, but ummm..newborns are hard work! holy bananas. i mean, don't get me wrong, it is all good stuff, but it is HARD WORK! i was expecting the typical eating, sleeping, pooping, and crying...but i did not realize the potential complexity of those four events. 

milk time...censored, because this is not THAT kind of blog.

eating. this is not a simple affair of have some milk and then be fine with life. nope. first, he nurses eight to twelve times a day, for thirty to forty minutes at a time. yikes!! never knew it could take so long to fill the world's smallest stomach. of course, at least half of the time i forget to grab my phone, the remote, or something to drink, so i end up stuck under a nursing newborn with nothing to amuse myself and completely parched. second, i am supposed to remember which side he nursed on last and start on that side at the next feeding. do who, what?!?! right. i can barely remember to brush my teeth and i am supposed to keep track of which boob is up next. ummm. sure. third, make sure he eats every three hours. well luckily, despite never remembering to look at the clock, this is not a problem. this kid never stops eating. fourth, change the kid's diaper BEFORE he eats. okay, check. and finally, burp the kid AFTER he eats. oh sure, spend forty minutes waiting for the kid to suck his way to sleep and then wake him up?!?! no thanks. he will burp in his own good time. (this is probably the point when someone is freaking out, because i do not regularly burp my kid...but hey, sleeping babies are much more pleasant than cranky i-am-supposed-to-be-sleeping-but-you-woke-me-up-to-burp-me babies.)

sleeping on prime real etate...momma's lap.

sleeping. that is, the baby sleeping. seems straightforward. mmmhmm. easy peasy, until the little dude discovered that he can sleep in his momma and poppa's bed or better yet...on top of them! yup. little guy is already spoiled. if he is even remotely awake, he refuses to sleep in his crib. this is a great time to point out that his crib is butted up against our bed, so his mattress is essentially an extension of ours. it's not like he is sleeping miles away, but apparently he thinks the 9" space between him and his momma is too much. at this point you might be wondering how a newborn refuses a crib. well, we lull him to sleep wherever he likes...in our lap, on our chest, next to us in bed, etc. then we move him to his crib. for up to five minutes things seem fabulous. and then the noises start. he squeaks. then he opens his eyes. next he waves his arms and kicks his feet. sometimes he manages to give himself the hiccups (sounds ridiculous, but i swear he does it!), and no matter what, after a few minutes he starts crying. oh and did i mention that when i manage to get him to sleep somewhere other than on top of me, he invariably wakes up right as i am thinking "i hope he sleeps for two more minutes, so i can finish what i am doing." this kid has a sixth sense for how best to dominate momma's world. whoever said that babies are boring, because all they do is sleep, has clearly never met my kid.

nonchalant pooper.

pooping. okay, even i have to admit, there is nothing complicated about the little guy's poop. he poops, i change his diaper, he poops again. sometimes he does not wait for a new diaper before pooping, which means big clean up for me. but still, pooping is basic and easy peasy. although, i have to say, his pooping is amusing - the kid lets loose some whoppers and he does it all while gazing nonchalantly into the distance.

this is the "PICK ME UP" shriek.

crying. according to the experts (whoever they are), newborns have different cries for different issues and if i tune my brain, then based on his cry i should know exactly what my kid wants. ummm..i guess my brain is not tunable, because i have so far only deciphered three different cries. the first is the rhythmic shrieking, which is the little dude saying "pick me up, pick me up, PICK ME UP!!!" check. then there are the startling screams combined with kicking, which means "my belly hurts" and is almost always followed up by a humongous poop. got it. finally there are the fussy and whiny cries, which cover all other issues. this is the crying for which i wish i had translations, so i could tell if the dude is hungry, tired, hot, cold, needs a diaper change, or is just generally uncomfortable. maybe in another few weeks i will have the guidebook, but for now we just bop along hoping to find the cure for his crying. luckily pringle is an easygoing dude and has been patient while i figure out how to be a momma.


  1. I would hang a sign with an arrow around your neck, and each time you nurse point the arrow at the opposite boob so you know where to go next :) I crack myself up with my great parenting advice :) Maybe a nice broach to highlight the boob in waiting?

  2. i have heard of people using safety pins attached to one side of the shirt. but then i suspect i will either forget to move it to the other side OR forget if it is on the side that is next or the side that was just finished. forgetfulness rules my existence, so i assume i will forget everything.

    i have to say, i LOVE the phrase "boob in waiting." haha.